these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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