I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
