Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
