Cold hands, warm shart.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
