She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
please come you make the beer taste better
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
