P.S. I can't hear my feet
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
