bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
