i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
