wrigley field is MILF paradise
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
and you fell through a lawn chair
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
