id be glad to
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
