I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm getting married
To pizza
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
