Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
