they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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