I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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