I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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