Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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