Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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