It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize