I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
