how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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