dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
