I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
