TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
