We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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