I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
