I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize