Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
