also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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