Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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