I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i barfeds in our rink
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
