Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
