In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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