the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
