he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
3 2 1 whiskey
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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