I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
