Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
