i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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