her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
