I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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