this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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