Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
