worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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