Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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