it hurts more in the daytime
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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