The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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