apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
