I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
