OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
