Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
