he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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