She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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