I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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