So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
