I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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