When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you win again, gameday.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
