I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
