Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
