WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
