Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize