you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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