I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I love having hate sex.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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