i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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