you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
