so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She bit a glass in half.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
