i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
