This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
