Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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