3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
