Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
