I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
