I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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