okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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