Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
