all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
